Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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