i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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