Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
