Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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