part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize