i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Randomize
