dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
