apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
