remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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