Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
