so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
