She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
my liver is dry heaving
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