Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
