This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Farmville is her only friend.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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