i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
