Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
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