He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
