I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
