I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
