Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I want to make a zoo with you.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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