Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
