Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
