omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
