you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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