you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
