Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
