he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
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