And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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