I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You made out with two different species that night
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
