Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
