No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Randomize
