The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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