No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
