all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
