Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
