Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
