I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
