at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
