That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
