You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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