Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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