3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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