I checked into jail on foursquare
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize