fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
