I just saw a hot homeless man
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
