Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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