Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
