I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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