I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
