There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
