belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
