it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
