I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
