dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
