it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
