she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I believe in your delicious
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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