I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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