why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
