oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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