y did u give ur computer a hand job?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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