Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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