Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
