just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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