im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
