i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I don't deserve a penis
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
