I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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