don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
