Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
