i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
