Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
