I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
no, he came in my armpit
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
