just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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