The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
