shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
