Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
