i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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