So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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