i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Congratulations! We have a period
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize