you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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