I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
