whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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