I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
