FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
