dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize