I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
