dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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