this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
