I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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