just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
