isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
