I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
