at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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