drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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