operation have a gay friend backfired
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
