bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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