when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he fucked my hip out of place.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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