There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Are we still banned from the library?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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