apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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