When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
