so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize