I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize