The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
