WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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