I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
two words...techno handjob
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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