i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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