I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
