apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
